Tag Archives: Clockpunk Wizard

True. Monkeys Do the Cooking in Death’s Castle

Lita takes Gentle Reader to the land of Clockpunk Wizard today, with an excerpt from Old Bony Blue Eyes.

Sir Death's Castle on Undying Island, at Rim's Edge
Sir Death’s Castle on Undying Island, at Rim’s Edge

Wizard Kadmeion and his assistant Sir Bright have arrived at Death’s castle. The wizard went to The Library to seek out Charon and his resident magician, Wizard Mephistopheles. Because Death is notorious for setting a poor dinner table, Bright went to the kitchen to fix dinner for himself and the two wizards. He is doing an inventory the pantry. Behind him, three entities shuffle in through the open kitchen door. Without needing to turn around, his magical sense tells Bright that his visitors are demons inhabiting homunculus bodies.

Bright turned and sucked in a breath. The narfleet was a clockworks magician who assembled metal automata to house the minor demons that Kadmeion summoned. Bright’s magical profession had counterparts who prepared plants or animal bodies for the same purpose. Here were three examples of a Meat-Man’s dreadful artistry.

Kadmeion went to The Library to seek out Charon and his resident magician, Wizard Mephistopheles.
Kadmeion went to The Library to seek out Charon and his resident magician, Wizard Mephistopheles.

An orangutan, a chimpanzee, and a tiny Capuchin monkey waited at the doorway. These homunculi wore miniature versions of Sir Death’s livery. The orangutan cracked his knuckles and looked everywhere but at Bright. The other two regarded him with large, awe-filled brown eyes.

“Good day, Sir Magician,” the chimpanzee said. “I am Theodore. The large fellow is Rupert. The wee one is Miss Constantinople. We are pleased to make your acquaintance.”

They looked at Bright with large, awe-filled brown eyes.
They looked at Bright with large, awe-filled brown eyes.

The demons’ respectful salutation required Bright to respond in kind. “Greetings, madam and gentlemen demons. I am Wolverhampton Brighton, the twice-seventh son of Elf-Lord M’Choakenchilde, and assistant to Wizard Kadmeion. You may call me Sir Bright.”

The three simians exchanged nods and grins. Rupert let out a happy screech. Miss Constantinople hopped in a circle and clapped her hands.

“Delighted to make your acquaintance, sir,” Theodore said. “You and your wizard’s reputations are known in the Nether Plains. Our master ordered us to help with your dinner preparations. We know nothing of cookery, but will do as you ask.”

(Old Bony Blue Eyes excerpt Copyright 2013 by Lita Burke. All rights reserved.)

Read Chapter 1 of Old Bony Blue Eyes for FREE

Old Bony Blue Eyes on Amazon US

Old Bony Blue Eyes on Amazon UK

Old Bony Blue Eyes on Smashwords

Old Bony Blue Eyes on Barnes & Noble

Caught on Camera: The Real Truth About Clockpunk Wizardry

Turn up the lights and roll the cameras. In Lita Burke’s newest video, the author confesses to creating the Clockpunk Wizard world, telling the story inside of Old Bony Blue Eyes, and much more.

Here Lita Shows Us a Picture of an Elf's Home in the Clockpunk Wizard World
Here Lita Shows Us a Picture of an Elf’s Home in the Clockpunk Wizard World

The truth is now told. Lita finally steps forward and comes clean. She answers the endless questions Gentle Readers ask about the Steampunk, Clockpunk, and Fantasy genres.

Lita describes these three genres’ telltale clues that anyone can spot. She has pictures on them, and shows us.

There are more, almost naughty, details. Oh, the scandal when these three genres became a ménage à trois known as her Clockpunk Wizard world. Then there is that Old Bony Blue Eyes affair. Lita blushes, but tells us all about it.

For the crack investigators among you Gentle Readers, here are more clues about Old Bony Blue Eyes. It all starts with the book cover that has the verified picture of the charming wizard they call Sir Death. That part isn’t so bad.

What is much more incriminating is that the book cover comes with that suspicious, oh so brief spell that writers call The Pithy Sentence. Lita shows the cover and the pithy below. Wait, this next part is so sneaky. On the flip side of the book is more evidence in the back cover blurb.

A wizard faces a dangerous journey to Sir Death’s castle to win a powerful spell book for a love-starved dragon.
A wizard faces a dangerous journey to Sir Death’s castle to win a powerful spell book for a love-starved dragon.

Chapter 1 (Yes! Inside is actual proof about Clockpunk Wizardry.)

Old Bony Blue Eyes on Amazon US (So this is how Clockpunk Wizardry is spreading like a bad rash in fantasy circles.)

Old Bony Blue Eyes on Amazon UK (Wizard Kadmeion flew his airship across the pond, it seems.)

Old Bony Blue Eyes on Smashwords (iPads, tablets, and smartphones aren’t safe from this literary delight) Old Bony Blue Eyes on Barnes & Noble (and neither are Nooks).

Mermaid in a Bubble Trouble

Following a string of floating water globes called The Water Pearls
Following a string of floating water globes called The Water Pearls

Lita takes Gentle Reader to the land of Clockpunk Wizard today, with an excerpt from Old Bony Blue Eyes.

Wizard Kadmeion, Sir Bright, and the three fairies are on their airship and following a string of floating water globes called The Water Pearls to Sir Death’s island at the edge of their plate-shaped ocean world. A mermaid has taken a ride inside a large Water Pearl. Her globe has tangled in the airship’s rigging. Bright has just rescued their three fairies from the mermaid’s glamour spell. She is ravenous for magic, and tried to eat the fey-folk. Kadmeion has just climbed up to join them on the cabin roof. The mermaid tries her spell again, but this time focuses it on the young, magic-rich wizard.

Izlyesende kissed the squeezed spot in apology. Bright’s ear tingled from the fairy’s magic.
Izlyesende kissed the squeezed spot in apology. Bright’s ear tingled from the fairy’s magic.

Bright felt the itch of the mermaid’s renewed attraction spell. Izlyesende gasped, pinched the narfleet’s ear, and then relaxed when Bright’s natural glamour resistance protected the three fairies. Izlyesende kissed the squeezed spot in apology. Bright’s ear tingled from the fairy’s magic.

“Stop it, Madam Mermaid,” Kadmeion said. “Your trick will not work on me.”

Her glamour spell trickled away. This mermaid was a colorless, almost translucent being. She turned around once in her bubble, tried unsuccessfully to push her Water Pearl away from its mooring to the cabin roof, then curled into a waiting stance.

“Will you hold my hand, Sir Wizard?”

“You would surely bite me if I allowed that.”

“Will you hold my hand, Sir Wizard?”
“Will you hold my hand, Sir Wizard?”

“Mer has poor magical fare,” she said.

“Is that why mermaids savage wizards who fall into the sea?”

“Magic too long denied has made us greedy.” She brushed away her floating cloud of white hair and gave it an impatient glance.

If you want to woo her cooperation, Kadmeion, try a spell to play with her hair, Bright mind spoke.

Bright’s suggestion earned him a glance and a nod from the wizard. Kadmeion turned back to the fussing mermaid and sang this spell.

“Lovely mermaid encased in Water Pearl,
You grace my airship with hair unfurled.
Beautiful silver tresses
Replace land-lady’s dresses.
Your hair now obeys me. Undulate. Curl.”

The wizard made her locks sway and swim to his whim.
The wizard made her locks sway and swim to his whim.

Kadmeion lifted his hand and made a delicate swirling motion. The mermaid’s long hair lifted away from her face and mimicked the motion of the wizard’s hand.

He made her locks sway and swim to his whim. Kadmeion first twirled the long strands around her slim waist, and then spun them atop her head in a confectionary arrangement of braids and sparkling magical bits. By the time he finished the spell, the mermaid’s eyes glowed with pleasure.

(Old Bony Blue Eyes excerpt Copyright 2013 by Lita Burke. All rights reserved.)

Read Chapter 1 of Old Bony Blue Eyes for FREE

Old Bony Blue Eyes on Amazon US

Old Bony Blue Eyes on Amazon UK

Old Bony Blue Eyes on Smashwords

Old Bony Blue Eyes on Barnes & Noble

Bestiarum Vocabulum: Woodland Satyr

The Bestiarum Vocabulum is the wizard’s encyclopedia of faerie beasties and mundane crossovers living in the lake and forest near Lita’s castle.

Woodland Satyr
Woodland Satyr

woodland satyr [wüd lənd sey ter] noun, 1325-1375; ME < L satyrus < Gr sátyros; also faun.

  1. Denizen of the Clockpunk Wizard world.
  2. One of two types of magical sentient creatures who are attendant on Wizard Bacchus. Woodland satyrs are part human and part goat. Woodland satyrs live in oak, beech, or aspen forests. They are notorious for their love of wine, lasciviousness, and boisterousness. All satyrs are male. They are affectionate with all women, but can only reproduce with sorceresses and other powerful female magicians.
  3. See grassland satyr in the Bestiarum Vocabulum.

Strange Case of the Half-Boy Half-Dog Baffles Scientists: A Clever Wizard Explains

Interviewers have a knack for getting Lita to confess all sorts of things. Here is more tittle-tattle about Clockpunk Wizardry.

Lita Wrote Her First Fantasy Story
Lita Wrote Her First Fantasy Story

In a recent interview, Lita chatted with the folks over at Authors’ Cave. After an exhaustive interrogation that required a pound of fine chocolates for medicinal purposes, out came the truth. The details may surprise Gentle Reader, or for the skeptics, it might sound like the usual fantasy worlds claptrap. You decide.

Yes, Girls Can Be Wizards Too

This scandal started decades ago when Lita wrote her first fantasy story and shared her masterpiece with family and friends. Oh, how they wrinkled their noses when the young heroine, who Lita called a wizard, helped a lost dragon find his way home.

These affectionate critics shouted that girls couldn’t be wizards. Witches, perhaps, or enchantresses. Sorceresses. “The whole concept was silly,” they said. Lita explains in the Authors’ Cave November 2014 eZine how she fixed that sorry state of affairs.

A Chocolate-Laced Interview Reveals the Truth About  the Magical Causes of Cynanthropy
A Chocolate-Laced Interview Reveals the Truth About the Magical Causes of Cynanthropy

Shocking Proof About the Half-Boy Half-Dog

Much of this chocolate-laced interview had to do with Clockpunk Wizardry. It was time for Lita to come clean about the mysterious case of the half-boy half-dog cynanthrope.

At first, Lita shrugged and tried to gloss over the specifics. “Anything can happen in fantasy worlds,” she said. Further questions brought out the truth.

The Authors’ Cave eZine for November 2014 has the first chapter proof concerning the boy/dog story. Lita describes the outrage of young science geeks writing made-up stories. Also learn about the surprising dangers of gardening mandrake roots, and why you should keep your pets far away.

Bestiarum Vocabulum: Grassland Satyr

The Bestiarum Vocabulum is the wizard’s encyclopedia of faerie beasties and mundane crossovers living in the lake and forest near Lita’s castle.

Grassland Satyr
Grassland Satyr

grassland satyr [gras lənd sey ter] noun, 1325-1375; ME < L satyrus < Gr sátyros; also centaur.

  1. Denizen of the Clockpunk Wizard world.
  2. One of two types of magical sentient creatures who are attendant on Wizard Bacchus. Grassland satyrs are part human and part horse. Grassland satyrs live on open prairies, veldt, and grassy meadows. They are notorious for their love of wine, lasciviousness, and boisterousness. All satyrs are male. They are affectionate with all women, but can only reproduce with sorceresses and other powerful female magicians.
  3. Personages: Grassland satyr herd on Veldt Island in Ephraim’s Curious Device and Old Bony Blue Eyes.
  4. See “Enchanting Veldt Island” and woodland satyr in the Bestiarum Vocabulum.

Bestiarum Vocabulum: Carnivorous Eel

The Bestiarum Vocabulum is the wizard’s encyclopedia of faerie beasties and mundane crossovers living in the lake and forest near Lita’s castle.

Carnivorous Eel
Carnivorous Eel

carnivorous eel [kahr ‘niv er uh s ēl] noun, c. 1650; < L  carnivorus, c. 1000; ME ele, OE ēl, ǣl; also ribbon fish.

  1. Denizen of the Clockpunk Wizard world.
  2. An aquatic magic eater about the length and girth of an adult human’s arm. Carnivorous eels inhabit freshwater ponds and lakes containing strong enchantment sources, such as the “heart magic” of a swamp. These opportunistic feeders will attack magic workers that enter their waters, tearing away leg flesh so their victims cannot flee.
  3. Personages: Murphy Swamp Eel Pool in Ephraim’s Curious Device.